A fleeting Hinge romance once revealed she never saved my number in her cracked iPhone. I asked why - thinking she forgot my name - but was surprised to hear that she didn’t think we would last (which in New York means longer than seven weeks or three dates or a long work trip to Chicago), so why save my number in the first place?
I wondered if I was the only perfect 6’2 (6’0) guy (…fine, 5’10) she was (…okay, 5’8! happy?) dating - who she thought it wouldn’t work out with so much so that even allowing the iPhone to inherit “Maybe: Jonah” would be such a curse on her life.
My friend (really, just friends I promise) is recently single, as you can hear above, having newly entered the dating scene in New York City after a five-ish year relation-ISH-ship with a Finance guy from Duke she thought she would marry a few times before realizing she “wouldn’t marry him and he wouldn’t marry her and it was easy and fun for them for a while and they had money but hey it couldn’t be forever, he didn’t even like Christmas, and unironically enjoyed wearing Allbirds” - this is what she tells me…
In Hollywood, we call this breaking up due to creative differences - in that there are real specific reasons they broke up but we will never know them. Until another post I guess. Anyway, anywho, anywhere, she’s deep in the game of singleness, racking up some Chase Sapphire Points at bars like Bar Pisellino and White Horse Tavern, and re-watching Sex And The City.
To date this a bit: Last she was single, having Bumble on your phone was normal and run clubs were words that dare not kiss in a headline, let alone makeout publicly in a Cut article.
I’ve been her dating doula, helping her come from the womb of monogamy to the void of singlehood.
(can you tell I’m proud of this sentence?)
Recently she told me about her latest roster of men and the nicknames she gave them. I was amazed to learn a new word in the process. I love learning new words I can’t pronounce.
Alliteration noun, the repetition of usually initial consonant sounds in two or more neighboring words or syllables.
She claims she won’t even save a number until after a first date, and even then, often resorting to nicknames like “Tiny Tat Timmy”. Maybe to keep track, maybe to keep a barrier, maybe because names are just labels…. or…
…Maybe… just maybe… she'd rather avoid the agony of potential heartbreak than risk texting a number “I miss you” on a lonely late night in the city.
Sincerely,
Maybe: Jonah
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